Invading our dictionaries?!

First off I should point out this little article which, despite its brevity, concerns me deeply. Check it out and come on back.

You need only read the first few sentences to know exactly what’s happened. Apparently there are Australian dictionaries which will soon be including online words – lol, noob, tweet – among their entries. This, of course, stems from their immense popularity and constant usage online.

I say one word to this: BLASPHEMY!

I understand quite well that languages are organic, ever-changing creatures. A language that becomes static – like, say, Latin – also becomes a dead language. And there’s no more organic (and unwieldy) a language as English, which has stolen from most other languages on our little planet and turned itself into a bloated monster.

Up until this point, however, this process has not made English lazy. Indeed many of these new words were unnecessarily large. They provided a vast array of options that could stymie newcomers to our tongue. I highly doubt that Internet speak will provide the same service, because it is by its very nature a lazy branch of communication. We use it to save time.

What, then, will this do to English? It’s hard to say at this point, but my guess is that it’ll compress sentences. A single abbreviation like lol squishes three words into three letters. If it were to become an actual word, therefore, sentences like ‘Mary laughed out loud’ would become ‘Mary loled’. Or something similar.

That probably sounds great to some people out there. Less time spent on pondering a sentence, they’ll say. Get right to the point, they’ll say.

Well, sure, that may be true, but where do we draw the line? If a few abbreviations sneak in now, what’ll happen down the road? For the moment Internet slang is restricted to the Internet (mostly, anyway), but if these words make their way into dictionaries they’ll be granted license to appear in just about anything. Technical papers, journals, legal documents… perhaps even literature. I shudder when contemplating a novel that reads like this:

‘Mary said ‘ttyl, I’m afk’ as she left for work, rofling as ‘lil Johnny screamed ‘L8R’ at the top of his lungs.’

A weak sentence, but more than enough to cause fright. A world full of Marys who can speak only in abbreviations is a world I can’t stand to inhabit.

Doubtless many will contest that there’s an element of choice. If you don’t want to use this language, don’t. Let those who want to use Internet slang do so without hassle. They’re not hurting anybody.

Y’know what? I say otherwise. You ARE hurting people. If half the population of Canada speaks normally and the other in Internet lingo, we’ll have a nation polarized. With enough passage of years l33t speak could potentially become an independent language. It has its own alphabet, after all, and more than enough people to populate a country.

So stop it, dictionaries. Just stop. No Internet slang in your pages. If you don’t we may be faced with a r3f3r3ndum, and, man, that’s just not cool.

The cellular device enters the picture

It’s difficult to blame the Internet alone for the state of the English language these days. It plays a huge role in the gradual degradation of spelling everywhere, true, but it’s far from alone. That most infamous of wireless devices, the cell phone, also plays a major role in this fiasco.

And, yes, perhaps ‘fiasco’ is too strong a word. Communication is about getting your point across, and Internet lingo does, generally, do just that. This is especially true of phone language, for though strings of text on the Internet may be used just to baffle and annoy others phone text messages are generally meant to get a point across. You want to direct something to someone else’s attention.

Unfortunately most people want to do this as quickly as possible, and so they resort to the usual slew of short forms – lol, j/k, gtg, etc. – to do the job. And who’s to blame them? Phone companies put character limits on text messages. Brevity is a requirement if you’re to deliver a complete message without resorting to more than one text.

This usually leads to laziness. Normal typing skills fall out of use as abbreviations take sway. Even the best of spellers give up on punctuation and drop down to lowercase letters for the entirety of their messages. And every time they do their linguistic skills suffer just a little bit more. Not by much, mind, but it all adds up.

And, unfortunately, this has resulted in acceptance by most forms of media. Texting language is perfectly acceptable as a marketing device since most kids these days (how crotchety I’ve become at 26) can relate. Don’t believe me? Proof:

Short, mildly humourous and downright scary to me. If people actually start talking like that I fear I may jump off a bridge.

And the worst part is, these ads are successful. They’re targeting an audience primed for this brand of humour because this is exactly how most people text. There are few complete words, and if there are they usually come strewn with typos since texters can’t be bothered cleaning up their language.

The problem is speed. Texting is symbolic of getting one’s message across lickety split. It has revolutionized communication time – but unfortunately, our fingers can’t quite keep up. So to speed the process along texters use stunted equivalents of real words. And, like it or not, those of us who scream at the sight of abbreviated conversations must bear the brunt of such blows. We MUST, because everyone else gives us no choice. Shudder-worthy.

Perhaps I’m merely a stilted loudmouth who loves English too much to let it evolve. If my one-man campaign prevents ‘gtfo’ from making it into the dictionary, however, I’ll gladly sell my soul for the cause.

So do me a favour. Once – just once! – try texting in complete sentences. See how it feels. If nothing else you’ll find yourself too hard pressed concentrating to continue driving while you punch in a message, and we all thank you for that much.

L33t speak, or The Language That Never Was

Most Internet users are familiar with good old ‘net slang. Laugh out loud is so common that it barely needs explaining to even the most computer illiterate guys and gals out there. That said, there’s still one fringe language that requires some explaining: l33t speak.

Ever heard of it? Probably, if you’ve set (digital) foot in a forum. Or chances you’ve seen it in action without knowing somebody was actually speaking, as l33t speak is an acquired taste – and one the world’s probably better off not knowing.

An example is probably required. Take the following sentence:

‘Tom went to bed.’

In l33t speak, this would become:

“+0^^ \/\/3/\/+ 2 83|).” Look closely and you’ll notice it’s actually the same sentence – it’s just been converted into l33t speak. Now imagine reading entire forum posts like this.

L33t speak is, in short, a method of obfuscation. It turns symbols into long strings of difficult to read, annoying sentences that usually proclaim other people ‘noobs’ (a subject I’ll touch on later) for their inability to read l33t speak. ‘l33t’ itself is a convoluted way of saying ‘elite’, meaning those who can decipher and use l33t speak are the elite of the Internet and better than everyone else. There are many ways to form the various letters, as well, making l33t speak all the more difficult to master.

Granted, l33t speak is usually used in jest. Internet users aren’t the most serious bunch and there’s a lot of insulting yet light-hearted, stupid banter that goes on. The fact that it’s used to confuse and mock non-users, however, suggests an actual elitism that strikes me as boorish.

At its core l33t speak is a divisive language. It weeds out those unlearned in the ways of the Internet and exposes them to ridicule when they voice their confusion. Often these poor, innocent users will flee the offending chat or forum for greener pastures. What good is a language if it’s deliberately designed to stymie non-speakers?

Not much at all. And while English isn’t exactly an easy language to pick up, its teachers at least try to educate the uneducated. The same can’t be said of l33t speak. And since l33t speak has no redeeming features beyond entertainment value (don’t expect to see it become a major business language any time soon), isn’t it possible that those who are heavily into its bizarre, grammar-free ways will see their actual writing skills suffer?

Possibly. Possibly not. Given that most Internet users who use l33t speak also forgo periods, commas, colons and capitalization, however, the language certainly can’t be helping.